Steve McClaren
From ARFOPEDIA
Seventh-Choice Steve is a bouffant-haired red-faced spastic from York who somehow went from Jim Smith's assistant at Derby County to manager of England in about ten years without actually achieving anything other than beating Bolton in the league fucking cup. McClaren was so utterly shit at his job that he needed to be helped by Terry Venables.
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[edit] Middlesbrough
McClaren's spell in charge of Middlesbrough must be looked back on as underwhelming at best. A run of 12th, 11th, 11th, 7th and 14th hardly looks like the record of an England manager in waiting, and a look at his transfer dealing doesn't cast him in any better light. For example, £3.5m was spent on Michael Ricketts, £3m on Malcolm Christie and £8m on Massimo Maccarone, all in the space of six months.
Tactically McClaren was also completely unproven, despite various claims that he was one of the best English coaches around. Middlesbrough's UEFA Cup run is a good example of this. Twice they found themselves in situations where 4 goals were required in a short period of time to proceed, twice they managed this by going just all out attack with all their strikers on the pitch. Worryingly, McClaren felt the need to adopt the same tactics in the final itself, at a time when Boro were only 1-0 down with plenty of time left in the game. Unsurprisingly they ended up losing 4-0.
[edit] England
McClaren's opening six months in charge of England were uninspiring, although a welcome poke in the eye to Sven-Goran Eriksson critics. David Beckham was dropped for reasons not well explained - potential replacements such as Shaun Wright Phillips were totally unproven at international level - and the moving of three-time World Cup winner Steven Gerrard MBE out of the centre of midfield to make space for Frank Lampard seemed baffling at best.
McClaren heaped more ridicule on himself late in his stint in the job by recalling David Beckham to the squad and referring to him as "the best right sided midfielder in the world", leaving many football experts to ask, in that case, why the FUCK was Beckham left out of the squad for the best part of a year. McClaren finally showed up Sven as a hopeless fucking chancer when he failed to qualify after a 90 minute game against Croatia.
[edit] Englishmen who would make a better national coach than Steve McClaren
- ...
- erm...
- Peter Taylor?
- Jack Charlton
- Mick McCarthy
- Peter Reid
- John Sitton
- Tony Pulis
- The one fat, loud fan who seems to know everything about football down the pub that every club in Britain must employ, by law
[edit] EffSchee Twente career
I say... Schteve McClaren... pssssssssssh... took over as, what you call, manager of EffSchee Twente, the football Dutches von 26 June. McClaren... psssssssssh... delighted to take on the post, has players who have the want to learn. Firscht game, Schteve lose to the Arsenal FC... at home... Champions League 2-0 although, the performance cannot have faults... aaaaaah the performance. Steve has the fluency of... psssssssssssh... Holland, can speak well.
