Prince Phillip

From ARFOPEDIA

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Prince "Phil The Greek" Philip is a loyal subject of the Queen. When not required by Her Majesty, Phil enjoys going shopping in disguise, usually as a pensioner, and makes a beeline straight for the baked beans. Phil is fond of modern literature and states 'Asian Persuasions' and 'Razzle' as his favourite literary classics. He once fought in the Boer War and commandeered a troop of a thousand Zulu's. Better known as 'The Duke of Edinburgh', Phil has set up various schemes for children, including 'The Duke of Edinburgh Award' in which young children are forced to camp 'outside'. On completion of this so called 'camping', an award is given by Father Dowling. The awards are based on a three tier system based on Gold, Silver and Magnesium. An extra special merit is awarded to children from under privileged areas, mainly to get them the hell away.

[edit] Other hobbies

• Big Phil is one of the world's leading proponents of casual racism.
• Fond of anal.

[edit] Wise words of Prince Phillip (Guest Starring: Casual racism)

• Where did you get that hat? (1953)
  • To his wife, the Queen, immediately after her coronation

• The only active sport I will follow is polo - and most of the work is done by the pony. (1965)

• British women can't cook. (1966)

• The bastards murdered half my family. (1967)
  • When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union

• Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed. (1981)
  • Said during the 1981 recession

• You must be out of your minds. (1982)
  • To Solomon Islanders on being told that their population growth was 5% a year

• You are a woman, aren't you? (1984)
  • Said in Kenya to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift.

• If you stay here much longer, you'll all get slitty-eyed. (1986)
  • Said to British students in China

• If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it. (1986)
  • Said at a World Wildlife Fund meeting

• You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly. (1993)
  • Said to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary

• Aren't most of you descended from pirates? (1994)
  • Said to an islander in the Cayman Islands

• How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test? (1995)
  • Said to a driving instructor in Scotland

• If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats? (1996)
  • Said amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting

• You managed not to get eaten, then? (1998)
  • Said to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea

• It looks like it was put in by Indians. (1999)
  • Said after he saw a poorly constructed fusebox

• Do you still throw spears at each other? (2002)
  • To an Aboriginal man on Australia's Tjapukai Aboriginal Cultural Park

• You were playing your instruments, weren't you? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats? (2002)
  • Said to a children's band in Australia

• Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now? (2002)
  • Said to a blind woman with a guide dog

• If you travel as much as we do you appreciate how much more comfortable aircraft have become. Unless you travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly. (2002)
  • Commenting during the Jubilee tour

• The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion. (2002)
  • Commenting on the London traffic debate after mayor Ken Livingstone launched his plan to charge motorists £5 to enter the city

• French cooking's all very well, but they can't do a decent English breakfast. (2002)
  • Aboard the floating restaurant 'Il Punto' on the river Orwell in Ipswich, after thoroughly enjoying an excellent full English breakfast (Il Punto is owned by Frenchman Regis Crepy)

• You look like you're ready for bed!
  • Said to the President of Nigeria, who was dressed in traditional robes

• Never pass up a chance to go to the loo or to take a poo.
  • When asked his secret for dealing with public appearances

• If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman or a new car!

• Edinburgh: And what exotic part of the world do you come from?
  Lord Taylor: I'm from Birmingham. (1999)
  • An exchange with Lord Taylor of Warwick, who is black

• "Brazilians live there"
  • Prince Philip on the "key problem" facing Brazil

• "Do we need ear plugs?"
  • At the Royal Premiere of the James Bond film Die Another Day, on being told that Madonna sung the theme song.

• "Damn fool question!"
  • Said to BBC journalist Caroline Wyatt after she asked Queen Elizabeth if she was enjoying her stay in Paris.