Phil Parkinsons
From ARFOPEDIA
Deeply mediocre manager most famous for wreaking a swathe of destruction across the lower leagues.
[edit] Trail of Devastation
Colchester United
After originally giving hope to both of Colchester's fans (Sid and Doris Bonkers) by getting the tiny Essex village into the First Division for the first time in their history in May 2006, he promptly shat on their cornflakes by resigning the next month. This was of course in no way related to the fact that the job at City Hull had just been vacated by Palace-bound mate Peter Taylor.
By sheer fucking coincidence, Parkinsons immediately joined Hull City as their new manager, and in a completely and utterly unrelated event some months later, Hull paid Colchester £400,000 for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
Bringing with him a reputation built up through almost three years of experience in management, Parkinsons set about keeping Hull in touching distance of the bottom three while his former club, under the tutelage of obscure fat Welsh midget Geraint Williams, headed off in the other direction towards the play-offs, helped in no small part by a 5-1 win over Parkinsons's Hull. Hull chairman Adam Pearson soon grew wise to Parkinsons's game and showed him the door in December 2006. Soon after, Dean Windass took Hull into the Premiership.
Huddersfield Town
Imagine the excitement at the Alfred McAlpine Stadium when the sleeping giants secured Parkinsons as the replacement for Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson. After all, Parkinsons would arrive at the club with the proven ability to do fairly well in the second division, and would surely lead this most somnolent of snoozing Brobdingnagians back into the promised land of the Championship.
One hour before the press conference arranged to announce his appointment, however, Parkinsons realised that he wasn't quite finished fucking about with defenceless minnows, and decided that he would rather play second fucking fiddle to his old mate and former gaffer Alan fucking Pardew at Charlton fucking Athletic, for a few fucking hundred quid a week more cash.
Charlton Athletic
After turning round Charlton's season in a caretaker capacity with an impressive three points from eight games, Parkinsons was given the job permanently.
[edit] Summary
Bit of a cunt, props for the casualness though (Y)
