Peter Crouch

From ARFOPEDIA

Peter Crouch is actually a lanky toss streak of piss, but has a surprisingly good touch for a big man. He has played for about a dozen clubs even though he's only 25, making him the new Dave Beasant. Crouch passes most of his time wistfully wishing he was Kevin Kyle.

His international career so far has been very disappointing, with England winning just seven of the seven matches he has taken part in. Indeed in all those matches, he has only managed to score as many goals as Emile Heskey did in 43 caps.

Crouch rose to further prominence in mid 2006 when it emerged that, in addition to being the world's greatest dancer, he was also the most arrogant man alive. Crouch is renowned for his hilarious Jeff Whitley impression.

Basically nothing more than a flat track bully because no other England strikers have ever been allowed to play against diddy teams.

[edit] Players who have scored less goals for England than Peter Crouch

• Wayne Rooney
• Bobby Charlton
• Jackie Charlton
• Ronaldinho
• Peter Beardsley
• Ian Wright
• Glenn Hoddle
• Robbie Fowler
• Chris Waddle
• Duncan Edwards
• Sir "Sir" Les Ferdinand
• Emile Heskey
• Steve Bull
• Luther Blissett
• Steve McManamanamanaman
• Andy Cole (although that's hardly any kind of achievement is it?)