Paul Nixon

From ARFOPEDIA

Paul "Nicco" Nixon is probably the most arrogant man in world cricket.

[edit] Nicco's wisdom

• "BOWLING COLLY THERE'SAWICKETHERE LOVE IT COLLY COME ON LADS, WICKET COMING UP NOW, ONEHUNDREDFORFOUR, LET'SGETINTOTHEMLADS, COMEON LET'SKEEPTHEPRESSUREON, UNLUCKY COLLY, ONEHUNDREDANDFOURFORFOURLADS, GET ONTO IT, RUN'IMOUT, OWIZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHLUCKY"

• "COME ONE LADS FIVE FROM HERE, FIVE FROM HERE, KEEP IT TIGHT, NICE COL, NICE COL, FIVE FROM HERE, MONTY! NICE LADS, STILL IN THIS, FIVE FROM HERE"

• "WHO IS THIS? COME ON LADS, COME ON, LETS GET A COUPLE HERE, COME ON, WHO ARE THESE? KEEP IT TIGHT JIMMY, KEEP IT TIGHT, THREE FROM HERE, COME ON, OH OWIZZZZZZZ, OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWIZZZZZZZZZZZZZ MUST BE, COME ON UMP WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT? COME ON JIMMY, KEEP IT TIGHT"

[edit] So fucking arrogant

• To Matthew Hayden (whom Nixon claimed expressed nothing but contempt for him): “Hey, Matty, this could be your last knock for Australia, mate. Hey, mate, don’t throw it all away, not in your last knock for your country.”

• To Andrew Symonds: “Ah, Symo, great to see you, mate. How’s everyone, the family? I know you, Symo. If you edge me and I take the catch, I’m going to send you a copy of the scorecard to your home, every day for a year.”

• To Ricky Ponting: “Ricky, I don’t think you’re that good at picking up a slow ball.” And believing it’s better to get the skipper’s mind off the game, get him out of the present, he adds: “What about the team for next week, Ricky - picked it yet? I saw those jazzy shoes you had made for yourself - very cool.”

• To Michael Clarke, who had changed the sticker on his bat: “That old sticker, Michael, it was always lucky for you. The new one’s not going to bring you the same luck, wait and you see.”
  
  “Nixon,” replied Clarke, “you’re a club cricketer. Let’s have the club cricketer who’s also a member of Dad’s Army.”
  
  The challenge was eagerly accepted. “How’s it going to feel, Michael, to be caught by a club cricketer? How. Is. That. Going. To. Feel? You know what, you’re going to make a club cricketer’s day.”

• "Don't trust me. Don't trust me, you. I'm a horrible man!"

• Nixon dismisses Murali with a couple of reverse sweeps in the world cup: xsmug

[edit] Some crying Aussies

• How can one not love Nixon? Let me count the ways.
  
  How about 7 failures in 8 innings at bat? Or his enlistment is keeping an excellent cricketer (Chris Read) out of the side? Or that his selection indicates English cricket is so low they're now picking players solely for their vaudeville-sideshow qualities?
  
  Nixon is the biggest disgrace of a disgraceful tour.

• cricketing badger: grey coated strong jawed fiercely defensive clown-like nocturnal animal burrowing hibernating plantigrade (walks on it's soles) mammal of weasel family; talks rubbish through red white and blue mouthguard; attracted to but unable to utilise willow; pumps up deflated members; usually stands on wrong side of stumps; makes dismissals with elbow.

• Noise doesn't spook us. Talent does. Look at Sachin. He's almost demure at the wicket - says nothing abusive - and yet he terrifies Australians. If the "Nixon Test" was applied retrospectively Bradman wouldn't have got a game. Enough said.

• Nixon has expired at every venture but one to the wicket. He's a patsy. We're playing cricket here. It's not pro Wrestling. Histrionics are irrelevant.