Newcastle United's Greatest Comedy Moments
From ARFOPEDIA
- 50,000 unemployed geordies turning up to cheer the unveiling of Michael Owen when he BLATANTLY didnt really want to sign for them
- "i would LOVE IT if we beat them"
- Dyer and Bowyer
- Newcastle 1 Birmingham 5
- Geordies so desperate for Shearer to have something to be proud of, that they ignored Mellbairns wartime goals despite counting them for the previous 50 years
- BG
- Hoopy claiming they were top 3 on paper
- Freddy Shephard dismissing all fans as mugs and all their women as dogs
- the fact that the last 4 trophies they have won no longer exist
- except the intertoto cup
EDIT : the intertoto cup no longer exists, make that last 5 trophies
- Totals made from Newcastle United
Sir John, Douglas and Cameron Hall: £36,466,153
Freddy Shepherd and Shepherd Offshore: £ 8,351,298
- Sunderland 1-4 Newcastle
- With Sunderland already relegated thanks to a 0-0 moral victory at Old Trafford two days previously, mate Kevin Ball instructs his team to collapse to a 4-1 defeat in order to guarantee Glenn Roeder the permanent job and thus cement another season of mediocrity for Newcastle United. Mate Julio Arca ensures that Alan Shearer's utterly fruitless Newcastle career ends with him limping off the Stadium of Light pitch in great pain to a chorus of boos. Even Albert Luque gets a goal, guaranteeing that he won't leave the club for at least another £3,000,000's time. All in all, the day is a resounding success.
- Spending £8m on Boumsong
- Continuing to play Boumsong despite him making a comedy error approx 2.6 times per game
- Conceding 4 goals at home to Portsmouth in the first 28 seconds
- Their fans booing the team, the opposition, the manager, the referee, the substitutions, the man of the match award, the mascot, the turnstile operator, wristwatches, the latest Mcfly single, global warming, Steve Hales, DVDs that dont come with commentary tracks, clouds, eyelids and gastric flu during a 3-0 home defeat to Liverpool
- That Geordie vicar who does sermons in his Newcastle shirt who SSN always wheel out for a chat
- Actually making people feel a little bit sorry for supreme football cunt, Sam Allardyce by sacking him after 6 months of doing no worse than anyone else since Sir Bobby Robson's days.
- Re-appointing Keggy Keegle
- Making Dennis Wise director of football?!?!
- Keggy Keegle threatening to walk out on them and then changing his mind, presumably upon assurances that his authority will definitely not be challenged again
- Keggy Keegle walking out properly the next day
- Loving Mike Ashley and totally buying into the fact he is one of them cause he sits with the fans, wears a replica kit, downs pints and is fat for approximately 13 months and then turning him into a more hated figure than freddy sheppard overnight simply for not pandering to keegans stroppy whims
- Newcastle 1 Hull FC 2
- Forcing Mike Ashley to put the club up for sale after protests over how he dared to "force out" their hero by making him work within a well-defined and previously agreed management structure
- Beating up a fat balding Geordie (in Newcastle) on the off chance that it might have been Mike Ashley
- Being turned down by Terry Venables
- Joe Kinnear
- finding out Joe Kinnear has a touchline ban
- Charlie Insomnia boygoutting the club after big Joe failed to pronounce his name
- Alan Shearer deciding that trying to save Newcastle United would be a better job than sitting on the MOTD sofa
- and safely guiding them out of the Premiership
