Marcus Trescothick

From ARFOPEDIA

Banger has been held in high esteem by Englishmen for several years now despite all Australians thinking he's shit.

Arrogantly got out off a no-ball during the ashes series which seriously pissed the Aussies off.

The best placed of any current English player to score the record for most runs by an Englishman and may even come close to the 10,000 run barrier. If he was a Paki or a Turbanator and so got to play Bangladesh and Sri Lanka every other week he probably already would have done. If he did do this all Aussies might have a fit.

Arrogantly likes to give other teams a slight chance by having no footwork whatsoever, if he did he would average around 450 and therefore ruin the game as a competetive spectacle.

Has sadly gone a bit nuts, probably won't play test cricket anymore :(