List of the worst penalties ever taken
From ARFOPEDIA
[edit] 1. Jeff Whitley, Sunderland v Crystal Palace, May 2004.
Whitley steps up, watches the goalkeeper dive and heroically shoots the same way. Mad Mick arrogantly sets a personal best by kicking the fuck out of all 11 drinks bottles on the touchline in anger.
[edit] 2. Diana Ross, World cup opening ceremony, June 1994.
Ross steps up and heroically sends the ball miles wide of the left hand post, causing the goal to break itself in embarrassment
[edit] 3. Jermaine Jenas, Newcastle in TEH PREMIER LEAGUE ASIA CUP
So arrogant he's willing to try the smug chipped penalty down the middle routine, he heroically blazes it over the bar by around 10 yards. Rir Sobby Bobson woke up in time to be absolutely fuming.
[edit] 4. David Beckham, England v Portugal, June 2004
Beckham steps up and heroically slips over in comedy fashion, sending the ball high over the bar. he then proceeds to spend 5 minutes aggressively staring out the penalty spot.
[edit] 5. David Beckham, England v Turkey, October 2003.
With England only needing a draw to qualify automatically for the European Championship, Beckham smugly and heroically sent the ball not just over and wide but actually out of the Sukru Saracoglu Stadium. It was last seen stopping for coffee at the Watford Gap Services on the M1.
[edit] 6. David Batty, England v Argentina, June 1998.
Batty steps up and with the first penalty of his entire career heroically shoots straight at the keeper, knocking his team out of the tournament and defying the confident predictions of Kevin Keegan, a comedian made famous for his portrayal of a bumbling football manager. Fortunately for Batty no-one notices his miss because they're too busy burning effigies of David Beckham at the time.
[edit] 7. Jason McAteer, Sunderland v Crystal Palace, May 2004
McAteer steps up and heroically puts it straight at Nico Vaesen. He never plays for the club again, largely due to being not very good at football. Fortunately for McAteer no-one notices his miss because they're too busy wishing AIDS on Jeff Whitley at the time.
[edit] 8. Gary McAllister, Scotland vs England, Euro 96
Gary strut up to the spot and hit a heroic penalty so easy to save, it actually WENT BACK IN TIME and moved on the penalty spot just to make fun of him.
NB: this miss was almost immediately followed by Paul Gascoigne scoring the best goal ever scored by an England player
NB: this goal was almost immediately followed by the second greatest goal celebration ever performed by an England player
[edit] 9. David Beckham, England v Argentina, June 2002.
A terrible penalty made all the funnier by the fact it heroically went in.
[edit] 10 Paul Bodin, Wales v Romania, November 1993.
The score is 1-1, Wales are awarded a penalty, score and they are on their way to the world cup. Bodin heroically declines Wales a place in history and yet confirms his own when he plants the penalty against the crossbar.
[edit] 11. Jaap Stam, Holland vs Italy, June 2002.
In an event that is looked back on fondly by enthusiasts of great Dutch moral victories, Jaap Stam cemented his and his nation's general ineptitude at the art of penalties by casually ignoring the shoot-out competition that lay before him to heroically blast the ball towards a spectator in Row XX who had said something about his head.
[edit] 12. Jurgen Bauman, Germany v Allied 11, August 15th 1943.
With the game poised at 4-4 the Germans were given a golden chance to win the game in controversial circumstances, the referee being fooled by an outrageous dive to award a penalty in 2nd half stoppage time. Bauman stepped up and heroically hit it at a nice height for goalkeeper Sylvester Stallone to dive to his right and pull off a fantastic save
[edit] 13. Stuart 'Psycho' Pearce, Manchester City vs Portsmouth, April 20th 2002.
Having scored 99 career goals from left-back, former Coventry City and Nottingham Forest cockney Stuart Pearce was looking for his 100th. In this insignificant last game of the season, Pearce was taking every free kick and practically playing up front, with his team-mates nobly just trying to set him up. So when a penalty was awarded to Manchester City in stoppage time, the crowd expected Pearce to hammer it into the net and actually implode with fury á la Euro 96. The Portsmouth goalkeeper, who was inexplicably Dave Beasant, even tried to tell Pearce where to place the penalty. Pearce took note, and accurately whipped the ball just over the crossbar.
[edit] 14. Bobby Pires, Arsenal v Man City, October 2005.
Having already scored one, he takes Thierry Henry's advice and attempts a Cruyff-esque sly pass forward for his compatriot to hammer into the roof of the net. But he bottles it, standing on the ball leaving Henry with just air to swing at and both looking like pricks for the rest of the weekend. At least
[edit] 15. Gareth Barry, Newcastle vs Aston Villa, December 2005
skyed it like a buffoon.
[edit] 16. Peter Crouch, England vs Jamaica, June 2006
Having claimed a goal deflected in off someone's arse and a tap in, Crouch refuses to accept the easiest hat-trick in international history by heroically picking out his mum in the crowd with an accurate chip, just so he could claim his hat-trick with a proper goal. SO heroic.
See also: List of the best penalties ever taken
