Leeds United

From ARFOPEDIA

Leeds United is a situation comedy set in Leeds, West Yorkshire. During the late 1990s and early 2000s the star of the show was Peter Ridsdale, with notable supporting roles played by Seth Johnson, some goldfish, and Terry Venables among others. On occasion, audiences were asked to suspend reality as the actor playing the lead role "The Chairman" would regenerate into a new star. The role has most recently been played by Ridsdale (widely considered to be the best Chairman), Professor John McKenzie, Gerald Krasner and, currently, Ken Bates.

One particularly loved episode saw McKenzie as the amiable idiot who took on Leeds United and the £7.2m contract of manager Terry Venables. At the end of the episode it emerges that McKenzie is no more a professor than Doctor Alban is a doctor, and hilarity ensues.

After the club's relegation from the Premiership in 2003, fans of the show complained that it had become less funny. Worried producers responded by launching spinoff Newcastle United F.C. and one-off specials Cardiff City F.C. and Barnsley F.C., both of which featured former star of Leeds United and viewers' favourite Peter Ridsdale.

In 2006 the producers of Leeds United attempted to revitalise flagging audiences with the introduction of dwarven comedy manager Dennis Wise. Wise has so far exceeded all expectations, taking United below even City Hull and being relegated to Division 3, where they will face a derby with Huddersfield Town, with Scunthorpe United now higher-placed. Leeds are now near the bottom of the Yorkshire Football Hierarchy, between Hull Kingston Rovers and the Scarborough Building Society. Leeds comically decided to relegate themselves as they entered administration with a nine-goal swing on the final day of the season required to survive. This decision was met with much approval: who better to relegate Leeds, than Leeds themselves? As of July 2007, Chairman Ken holds the club over a barrel, threatening to wind up the club if he is not allowed to continue in his starring role.

In 2007 a cockney version, West Ham United F.C., was launched to critical acclaim. Producers are currently keeping viewers on tenterhooks with the future of the series' main protagonist Carlos Tevéz and the club's top division status, in a final twist, still undecided.

Script-writers hit upon comedy gold in the summer of 2007 by suggesting that Leeds should start the Division 3 season on minus 15 points. While the club initially began the season in excellent form, writers were criticised for returning to the rather dated storyline of "everything going hilariously to shit" as first mate Poyet and second tosser Wise fucked off out of the apparently rising ship, to be replaced by Gary McAllister and renowned absolute retard Stan Staunton.

[edit] Memorable quotes

• "Many of the teams on the continent are hugely in debt, and I don't know how they intend to finance their spending on a long-term basis. At some point they will be called to account." - Peter Ridsdale
• "De kids done alroight today, d'ere just kids" - running gag by former Companion of The Chairman David O'Leary
• Ridsdale stressing Leeds only invest what they can afford: "A lot has been made as to whether we are on a sound financial footing. This is a public company run for the shareholders. It is the plc board who ensure we are on that sound financial footing and we only invest when we can afford to and in players we believe will increase in value."
• "It's just not funny at all" - Dennis Wise on the club's 15 point deduction.
• "We have to get 106 points to win the league, 92 points to get in the play-offs and 70 points to stay up. Lovely. Thank you very much." - Wise again.

[edit] Summary

A great football team with a big history and huge expectations.

[edit] Leeds United's Big Local Rivals

• Farsley Celtic