Horses
From ARFOPEDIA
[edit] Some Wise Words about Horses
i have got to wondering about what horses would do if in fact they had the mental capacity of humans. the only human i feel qualified to speak for is myself. i think the first thing i would do is demand financial recompense for my efforts. i have to be honest. if someone got on my back and wanted me to run very fast i think i would want to know what was in it for me. i doubt i would be satisfied with grooming and/or sugarcubes. i might accept a sugarcube if it was bjork, but that would be unlikely. my family would also have something to say about the whole situation. if i was run to death by greedy irish owners my mother would no doubt demand compensation, especially if, as i have indicated, the racing was done against my will.
there might be people who would be keen to prove how brave they were but as a rule those people join the army or go on the programme called "fear factor", but then again both of those scenarios include financial recompense. admittedly soldiers aren't rewarded proportionally to the likelihood of them dying but then they chose to do so, and in that respect they have a two-fold advantage over horses, who have no concept of recompense (as i showed earlier, these foolish animals seem to be happy with a sugarcube).
and yet i would never become a soldier, even if it was compulsory and i were paid handsomely for it. perhaps this makes me a coward. i don't know. what i do know is that horses have been used in war for many thousands of years, and unless i am mistaken, they have rarely received anything more than a sugarcube for their efforts. i accept that horses might sometimes be included in victory marches but then it has generally been the rider who has been the object of adulation. even if i enjoyed the cheers aimed at my rider i doubt i would feel such applause made up for the hardship i had been through.
i think in the interests of fairness i should try to imagine what it would be like to be a brave horse. and i think, objectively, my first act would be to attempt escape from the training stables of my oppressive owners. that would be brave. i might consider that i would be constrained by major roads. but if i were truly brave, i would disregard any potential danger in favour of a future freedom, perhaps in the wolds of oxfordshire or the downs of gloucestershire.
i suppose the adoration of racing fans might be considered to be rare adulation. if i won 3 gold cups in a row i suppose you might think i were a very capable horse indeed, regardless of who happened to be beating the shit out of me in the course of winning those races. but then, as a human horse, i would be interested to know why i was getting no financial recompence for this herculean effort. after all, many millions of pounds have changed hands in my name. and yet here i am with a sugarcube and some affectionate grooming.
i would be tempted to conclude that i am a dumb unemotional animal, exploited by arrogant humans and yet none the wiser for it all. i might conclude that i do what i am told, in my limited brain, and be relieved by the occasional succour of a sugarcube when what i really want is to roam the plains of patagonia, seeking out my own sugarcubes. i think if i were to find my own sugarcube i might feel a genuine sense of achievement. it's pretty unlikely after all. indeed i have been born and bred to run fast for the amusement of humans (and certainly not for my own amusement) and so it is hardly surprising that i am quite good at it.
in conclusion, NEIGH!
and lets imagine for a minute that i received some financial recompense. i could probably think of nothing more desirable than a load of sugarcubes. in this scenario, i am still being exploited. and i wouldn't even know it! while the owner is bathing in a jacuzzi full of £50 notes, and the trainer is bathing in a jacuzzi of £20 notes, and the rider is bathing in a very small jacuzzi of £10 notes. as a human horse i would be within my rights to question the fairness of these celebrations. but in reality i would be happy with my sugarcube and affectionate grooming. which, objectively, would not make me brave; rather i would be a dumb exploited animal.
Quote from: Doctor Negative on November 06, 2005, 11:40:27 PM Oh be quiet. Horses have done more for this country than any of you have. Horses arent humans, but neither are you, neither are you.
again, speaking as an animal, even if i were a big fan of this country, i would probably expect more of a reward for all of my efforts. actually, having gone to the effort of learning english and the workings of a keyboard, i would want to know how all the things i have done for a country (a concept i have no knowledge of) will benefit me.
actually, as a human/horse hybrid, i am all the more aware of how much more i (as a representative of the horse race) have done for any given country. unfortunately this has served only to fuel my sense of injustice and my resolve not to be exploited by arrogant irish owners for mere euros. i know that i have been a key part in the evolution of humanity and yet, here in the west, i am nothing more than a money making exercise. at least in the past i was a central part of existence.
the fact that my efforts here have been completely ignored (except by horse loving herman - hitler loved horses btw) just proves that it is a thankless task, being a horse. i will stick to being a human thanks.
Quote from: Chowden on November 06, 2005, 11:57:03 PM well if it is any consolation i have appreciated it. have a sugarcube.
i don't want a sugarcube. as a human person i am aware of the wide variety of rewards available for doing something quite good. from a raise, to a blowjob to a simple "well done" - all of these things are rewards a human person might be able to appreciate. however as a human horse, the words "have a sugarcube" mean nothing to me - as indeed do all words in human languages. i might appreciate a few weeks off, or indeed the rest of my life off - free to run around as and when i wanted rather than at the whim of some tiny irish cunt who seems only to want to get on my back.
i am now speaking as a human human. isn't it strange that i, as a horse hating rationalist, want freedom and justice for horses, while someone who claims to like horses (such as the mentally diseased bozz) wishes them to do whatever humans like, simply for the enjoyment of humans. if i were a horse with human characteristics, i would certainly find this ironic, and would do my best to find out when these heartless cunts bet on me to win and lose just for a laugh. being a human horse capable of understanding and enjoying humour and justice. if i were just a horse i would probably do whatever the tiny irish man told me to do every time he beat me ruthlessly with his whip.
and it would not display bravery, it would display simple animal idiocy.
i feel quite strongly about this, as a horse.
