Geraint Jones

From ARFOPEDIA

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Geraint Jones - Ashes hero - (born in Papua New Guinea, 1976) is a famous fuckwit, and an utter fucking moron who should fuck off asap.

Famously not English, having been born in Papua New Guinea and raised by downs monkeys in Australia and having a Welsh name, no-one is quite sure how he qualifies for England, though some have speculated that it is through the citizenship of his Zimbabwean dad, Duncan Fletcher. Having failed to qualify for the UK Paralympic team in 2000, Jones took up cricket on the advice of an equal-opportunities work experience careers adviser and, after scoring a few runs AT FUCKING CANTERBURY, was selected for England after Jedi mind-tricking Duncan Fletcher that he was anything other than a wretched fuckwitted mess and the worst cricketer since Craig White. Jones's Test career came to an end after he was run out while standing two inches closer to the pavilion to shorten his walk back after his inevitable dismissal.

Geraint Jones is a professional cricket player.

[edit] Career highlights

• Dancing down the pitch to Shane Warne at Trent Bridge in 2005.
• Responsible for the worst drop ever at Old Trafford in 2005.
• Hitting Lee straight to gully on the final morning of the 2nd test at Adelaide.
• Hitting Symonds straight to gully on the morning of the 2nd day of the 3rd test against Australia.
• Being run out in the most retarded way possible against Australia on the final morning of the 3rd test.
• Didn't get a duck for 51 innnings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Sprinting 30-40 yards to square leg to drop a catch, when there were two other fielders closer who could have easily taken it.
• Failing to be picked for the World Cup squad, 78 year old Paul Nixon making it in ahead of him.
• 2006 World's Worst Wicketkeeper
• 2006 World's Worst Batsman
• 2006 World's Worst Cricketer

[edit] Quotes

• "Jones was pathetic. His mental attitude to Test-match cricket at the moment is shocking. He's just getting out in some ridiculous ways." - Geoffrey Boycott
• "What an utter fucking cretin." - Oscar Wilde
• "Pathetic bottling shit spasticated retarded cunt." - me.
• "Quite a strong-willed chap really." - Graeme Hick
• "He's a better batsman than me and he's not even a cricketer." - Mark Ramprakash
• "He's making Wicom and Derek Pringle look more fucking clueless all the time." - Alec Stewart
• "Looking at the pressure that he's played under before, we believe he handles the pressure better, and technically, we think he's a better batter on these wickets and especially in Test match cricket." - Duncan Fletcher
• "My essential advice for any aspiring wicketkeeper is to watch the ball into your gloves. I know it sounds simple, but it's often the basics that are the hardest things to master." - Geraint Jones

[edit] Fun Facts

• Despite being neither a wicketkeeper nor a batsman, Jones' career test batting average is only 3.41 runs worse than that of Mark Ramprakash.
• His two ducks against Australia at Perth actually took his batting average to below that of Craig fucking White.
• This fucking clown has actually had the honour of receiving an MBE from the Queen.
• Not one of the heroes of the 2005 Ashes win, as I can confirm.
• Is a qualified pharmacy technician. Should have spent more LESS time playing cricket and less MORE time studying the stupid poindexter.
• Winner of the Geraint Jones award for Sporting Fuck Up of the Year 2006
• Winner of the The Geraint Jones award for Biggest Idiot in Sport 2006
• Matt Prior scored as many runs on his test debut as Jones managed in 15 of his last 16 test innings.
• Jones is a Gillingham fan, and so on top of everything else, he's a thieving pikey scumbag and is best mates with Steve Hales