Gary Bennett

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[edit] Most notable achievements:

  • Being able to sky a football over a cross bar from as little as one yard out.
  • Knacking David Speedie (see also claims of 35,000 Sunderland fans who also got a punch in and were in the Clockstand that night).
  • Filling in a WPC whilst drunk hours before a Wear/Tees derby, scoring the winning goal and ruling throughout.
  • Being an utterly shit commentator.
  • Fathering many children in the Sunderland area when outside of wedlock.
  • Having no attention span or concentration, yet still being fb.
  • Being quite possibly the coolest footballer ever.
  • Mistaking himself for a goalkeeper in probably the only nationally-televised Sunderland game of the early 90s.
  • Scoring for Swindon Town in the 1990 Division Two Play-off final.
  • Killing Ian Knight and scoring 77 goals in 121 appearances for Wrexham under the pseudonym, Gary Bennett.