Football World Cup

From ARFOPEDIA

[edit] History

• 1930 - First World Cup held, England smugly dismiss it. U r gay win.

• 1950 - Larry Gaetjens strikes a blow for Castro's Cuba by sonning England, who arrogantly don't even care.

• 1954 - THE FINALS THAT TIME FORGOT. Vest Germany overcompensate for so many things by winning miraculously.

• 1958 - Sweden smugly host a forgettable tournament. Jason Lee debuts. John Charles sons everyone by being the best player in every position. And the best referee. And being the most handsome man in the tournament.

• 1962 - A dog pisses on Jimmy Greaves. Chile invent Alphabetic Squad Numbering to complete apathy.

• 1966 - The Queen wins, Germans lose, and some Argentinian animals get put down hard by Sir Alf Ramsay.

• 1970 - England take a break and let Brazil have a go at sonning everybody.

• 1974 - Total Football loses. Jan Tomaszewski drops 1 in favour of a duck. Scotland heroically claim the title of first team to go unbeaten at the World Cup without winning it.

• 1978 - Total Football loses again. Includes comedy defeat to drug cheat Willie Johnston's Scotland, who were sonned by Peru and Iran. And then sonned the Netherlands.

• 1982 - Harald Schumacher heroically makes an entirely fair tackle on French striker Patrick Battison but, being French, Battison makes the most of it. A goal kick is awarded. Bryan Robson sons France. England have a go at Alphabetic Squad Numbering, but except for the goalkeepers, thus defeating the point. Oh, and Kevin Keegan as well.

• 1986 - 3 foot midget outjumps Shilton. Denmark debuts. 3 foot midget fails to outjump advertising hoarding. Kuwait attempts arrogance and fails spectacularly. Canada turn up, eh? Belgium gets a heroic 4th place, after ousting tournament favourites USSR 4-3 in ET, and beating Spain on penalties.

• 1990 - Gazza MISSES NEXT MATCH. Costa Rica mates :) Cameroon. Special lottery for the Micks and Clog wearers. Rudi Voeller v Frank Rijkaard. David Platt being any good for a couple of minutes. Nessum Dorma. Jim Leighton sat on the grass FUMING. "Fuck Schillachi". EIGHT MINUTES of injury time in the other semi. Higuita. Austrian goalkeeper in stripy shorts. Miklosko, Skhuravy and Moravcik dropping by.

• 1994 - Diana Ross misses crucial penalty, thus disqualifying her from entry to the Football Hall of Fame. Yordan Letchkov incurs first royalty payment to Sensible Soccer for THOSE headers. Roberto Baggio NAILS a conversion. John Aldridge. Henrik Larsson finishing third, wearing 7. Graham Taylor not liking that in qualifying.

• 1998 - Ronaldo suffers a stroke but arrogantly plays in the final. Brazil require Tom Boyd off the Wide Awake Club to beat Scotland. Morten Wieghorst is arrogantly sent off. There's only one team that's gonna win this, and that's England. Some Africans son Spain. Brazil give Denmark a two goal start.

• 2002 - Rivaldo arrogantly sons himself and ends up in Greece. FUCK OFF NO LIVE GAMES IN THE AFTERNOON. Total Football loses take #3. France decide to play like Spain. Ireland fail to match England and only manage a draw with Germany.

• 2006 - Sven's finale. Owen Hargreaves is NOT a spastic and neither is Owen Hargreaves. Zinedine Zidane wins.

• 2010 - BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ