Darren Pattinson

From ARFOPEDIA

Darren Pattinson is probably the most baffling selection ever. This absolutely useless cunt was selected in spite of the following problems:

• he has only played 11 first class matches in his entire career
• he is 29
• he is Australian
• he is shit
• he trundles the ball down at 75mph
• he doesn't swing the ball
• about 25% of his deliveries are full tosses
• he can't bat
• he is pretty inept in the field
• he has a squint
• Matthew Hoggard was fit and the test would have been ON HIS HOME GROUND for fuck's sake
• Simon Jones is fit, bowling at 90mph and taking wickets at a SR of about 40
• Chris Lewis made a comeback this year
• it is not 1994
• there is absolutely no fucking reason whatsofuckingever to select him

just took a wicket tbf

In fairness, he'd get into the current Aussie team. Ahead of Beer, Doherty, Smith, Hilfenhaus, etc. etc.