Adrian Heath
From ARFOPEDIA
Adrian Heath is a patron of Romano's Bistro, Cleadon. Nicknamed "Inchy" due to his incredibly small penis, Heath was named Most Inept Man In World Football for seasons 1996/7, 1999/2000 and 2001/2.
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[edit] Sunderland AFC
A good drinking mate of Peter Reid, Heath took over as Sunderland reserve team coach under the great man's tenure as manager. Heath twice left Sunderland to take up the position of manager at Sheffield United FC and Burnley FC, returning both times with his tail well and truly between his legs after being shown to be a complete fucking clown.
After Sunderland's disappointing 17th-placed finish in season 2001/2, it was announced that mate Saxton would be replaced as Sunderland assistant manager by Heath due to his experience of continental coaching methods during his 6 month spell at Espanyol in the 80s. Sunderland's players however were not able to appreciate his patent genius and cutting-edge methods that were a mere 15 years out of date, and he was sacked along with Reid a few months later.
[edit] Leeds United FC
Heath followed mate Reid to Leeds United later that season when it became apparent that Brian Kidd (then-England assistant manager and four-times Premier League winner as Manchester United assistant) was obviously no match for him as a coach. Heath was quick to realise that the pair were likely to be sacked due to the signings of Cyrille Chapuis, Salomon Olembe, Zoumana Camara and Rocque Junior and advised Reid to lay the foundations for Leeds' continued downward spiral by replacing him with Kevin fucking Blackwell.
[edit] Coventry City FC
Heath again inevitably followed mate Reid to Coventry City where he assisted Reid in undoing all of Eric Black's good work as caretaker manager, and was influential in attracting numerous football icons to the club, such as 'the next Kevin Sheedy' Neil Wood, Louis Carey and Tim Sherwood, who due to failing several medicals at the club, was only handed a two year contract.
When Reid was inevitably sacked for instructing his players to hit the ball long to Niall Quinn in a team which did not include Niall Quinn, Heath incredibly stayed on as assistant to Reid's replacement Micky Adams, and became caretaker manager of the club for the second time following Adams' sacking. This inexplicable appointment, considering his shambolic stint in the role following Reid's sacking, was made to the delight of the entire playing staff, who admired Heath's understanding in allowing players to dismiss general training and exercise in favour of fighting each other at the training ground. Iain Dowie however, using his degree in arrogance, was wise to this fucking clown's ineptitude and replaced him immediately. While waiting for mate Reid to get another job, Heath currently spends his time pissed in seedy pubs in the Liverpool area.
[edit] STOP PRESS
Hilariously, Inchy is now scouting for Newcastle United, where he hopes to unearth the next Lilian Laslandes or Carsten Fredgaard. It is unclear whether he was responsible for the inspired signing of Claudio Cacapa.
[edit] STOP PRESS AGAIN
Tragically, he probably left with Allardyce :(
[edit] Current status
While waiting for mate Reid to get another job, Heath currently spends his time pissed in seedy pubs in the Liverpool area. Heath now manages wikipedia:Austin Aztex FC. What the fuck happened there?
